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Yeah, I'm finally ready to admit it ...
This fucking city FUCKING BLOWS.
It's so bland
it's so boring
it's so devoid of it's own flavor (don't give me that tex mex crap)
most people here are beyond stereotypes -- they're full blown caricatures of themselves.
It's truly a joke.
The only thing(s) good about this city:
*The insane amount of restaurants
*The insane amount of malls
*The insane amount of movie theatres
*My friends from work, which are only a handful but they're really genuine/cool people -- *I'me forever indebted to some of them ;-)
*The public transit system
*And how the city seems to be oblivious to the horrid American economy
There are two things keeping me here:
*the few friends I have here are some of the people I respect most in my life (besides family and others [you know who you are]}
*and the plethora of job opportunities I need to get around to taking advantage of.
Other than that ... everything else sucks.
I'll never take St. Louis for granted ever again.
St. Louis may be a third of the size of DFW; it may not be such an ethic melting pot; it may still snow often there; and the economy may be bad there -- BUT BY GOD IT HAS IT'S OWN TRUE IDENTITY AND FLAVOR.
AND I MISS IT.
There are two things keeping me here:
*the few friends I have here are some of the people I respect most in my life (besides family and others [you know who you are]}
*and the plethora of job opportunities I need to get around to taking advantage of.
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| Subject: | JAM |
| Time: | 1:16 am. |
| Music: | IT AINT TOO HARD FOR ME TO JAM. |
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13ZGZexsaFo
The King of Pop and His Airness -- the best part is at the end. ;-)
I was looking for the 92 Bulls Championship version (it's on the UntouchaBULLS 92 Championship VHS), but I guess that's stuck on a VHS (My dad won that at FARM FRESH in Madison for me when I was 8) I have somewhere with all my stuff back in the Lou.
I guess I can thank my old man for making me such a big Michael Jackson fan, although he inadvertantly did it. "Jam" is and always will be my favorite MJ song.
This song isn't even about basketall. Listen to it.
Michael was always great at making meaningful pop songs without them dripping with whining.
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Thursday, June 25th, 2009
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Thanks ... for making it okay for EVERYONE to like black music.
Thanks for legitimizing black people as artists and bringing us to the forefront -- freeing us from the role of bit players of the music industry.
Regardless of what happened later, you did a lot more for racial equality than people can care to realize or will admit.
You were one of the few to prove the theory that people would find a common ground through artistry ... and you did it by selling hundreds of millions of albums ...
As silly as it may seem, the fact that you came along and revitalized the music industry, you also changed the landscape of race relations without even mounting a crusade or staging a protest (or even bringing up race relations in general -- well, besides the songs "Black or White" and "They Don't Care About Us").
You were still loved, and you will be missed.
Rest in Peace.
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Sunday, February 1st, 2009
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I always know where I am
by the way the road looks.
Like I just know that
I've been here before.
I just know that
I've been stuck here...
like this one fucking time before,
you know that?
Yeah.
There's not another road anywhere
that looks like this road.
I mean, exactly like this road.
It's one kind of place.
One of a kind.
Like someone's face.
Like a fucked-up face.
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Thursday, January 29th, 2009
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| Time: | 2:07 pm. |
| Mood: |  bitchy. | | Music: | Madonna - Die Another Day. |
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You're always quick to say my assumptions are off base and/or stupid ...
Yet have you thought about why I have to come to such conclusions/assumptions?
What are YOU doing to make me feel this way?
I'm not just making this shit up out of thin air.
You're quick to say things aren't the way I assume ... but offer no real reason as to why they aren't. Just quick to say I'm stupid and you don't know where I'm getting all of this from ...
Yet you forget what has happened between us thus far.
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You don't have anything to hold against me, so you cling on to something so insignificant when you need ammo.
You don't like the fact that I hold people accountable for their actions and that I especially hold myself accountable for what I do.
It must be a nice security blanket to know that you could possibly go back to him and hold everything he's done to you over his head as if it were your ace in the hole ... but you know what that'll lead to ...
But with me, you try to dig up some demons but there's nothing there ... so the comfort level goes down when you don't have that bargaining chip.
You have no problem pointing out things you dislike and expect people just pass it off as you being you and you're allowed to have your opinion and voice your concerns ... yet when I do it to you, it leads to excuses, fits and more excuses.
You pride yourself on being more mature than you age ... but that's obviously only about the things you dislike that other people your age do and not anything else.
You said it yourself "do as I say, not as I do" ...
Of course, this will be passed off as me trying to "win" something ... but you just don't get it.
It being the big picture.
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| Time: | 1:36 am. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. |
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Isn't it amazing how someone can ask you for a favor which totally ends up you doing something that would cost you money and time ...
and you turn around and ask them for a favor two seconds later. something free and would take less than 30 seconds ... and you get ignored?
Story of my goddamn life.
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Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
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| Time: | 9:52 pm. |
| Mood: |  cold. | | Music: | Lauryn Hill - Ex-Factor. |
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I'm started to become very jaded towards people -- in general -- again ...
I'm getting headaches and my stomach is in knots and that usually is a sign that something bad is about to happen ... something bad not but not all too unexpected.
The writing's on the wall.
So I guess I need to brace myself and not for the feeling of being shocked at whatever is going to happen ... but brace myself so I don't seem so shocked that I already figured something bad was going to happen -- does that make any sense?
I'm rambling. I'm going.
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Sunday, January 25th, 2009
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Shogun Megazord for teh win.
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Then do whatever you can and stay the hell away.
They are the most inconsiderate jackasses on the planet. Well, the people who made their policies anyway. The customer service reps are probably the nicest around. But that's probably because they know they really don't have much to do since the bank has so many policies in place to screw over the consumer that it's not even funny.
Go with a credit union. Especially if you live in a major metropolitan area.
Bank of America may be everywhere and they let you know they are everywhere ... but they are most definitely not the alpha and omega.
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Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
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History is doomed to repeat itself, if you don't learn from the past.
No other way to put it.
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Sunday, January 18th, 2009
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Maybe I should start writing in this piece of shit again ...
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So, I've finally gotten to talk to him ...
to clear some things up ...
and then he asks me if I want to move to Dallas and live with him ...
Conventional wisdom says i should be saying no immediately ... but I told myself a long time ago that I was gonna live my life without regrets ...
and a big part of me that wants to go ... but i know the part of me that doesn't want to go will eventually turn into me regretting not going.
Our relationship wasn't the best ... but i do know, good or bad, that I feel a lot worse when he's not around.
I know it hurts me that he probably will never love me nearly as much s I love him, but him not near me not loving me as much as I wish he would hurts a lot more than him not adoring me the way I absolutely adore him ... still
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Heath was on in his way to go back to rehab in a few days.
he was without his meds for a few days.
When I came home from work, i found him crushing up the meds he somehow got and snorting them.
And I also found a KKK business card on my table.
there's a small KKK cell in my neighborhood and I guess he went down the street to ask for them for help.
He had been drinking (even tho he's supposed to go to rehab) and when i saw it all he said "If you get mad, I'll go back down there" ...
I passed it off as just a threat then we both went fishing.
After we got back from fishing I passed out on the couch.
I awoke to him attacking me. Then he left the house and we back down to the KKK people's house.
I left my house cuz i was scared and I guess he came back and got his stuff by the time I came back.
He calls me the next morning harassing me telling me he needed to be over there for protection and because I "force him to do things he doesn't want to do" ... funny because we just went fishing because he wanted to go and he likes it and it would take his mind off drinking.
Anyway, I dunno what to say anymore ... I've lost the last 8 months of my life because of him ... feel free to tell me I told you so, everyone.
What makes matters worse is that he was seriously going to get help from himself and make both of our lives better ... and then this happens ...
maybe it was all a front.
My Mom tried to give me the whole "God has his funny ways of working spiel"
To which, I screamed: Fuck God! If God cared about anyone none of this would've ever happen to me (there is much much more this story than just this)
why would he do this to me.
There is no God. There never will be.
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Monday, August 13th, 2007
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| Subject: | Posted using TxtLJ |
| Time: | 11:39 am. |
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youdunfckdup3's journal
angry.
sad.
drained.
depressed.